Intergenerational Conflict in Asian American Immigrants Stemming from Professional Expectations
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“When children acculturate at a faster speed than that of their parents and fail to conform to parental authority” (Xia, 2013).⁴ This varied levels of acculturation create a lack of harmony between generations involving professional and societal expectations.⁵
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“A social value which is positively evaluated by societal members. It is manifested in the form of sentiments of admiration or deference which some people have with respect to certain work respects” (Garbin, 1961).⁶
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The expectation of children providing for their parents in a new country, and the children’s lack of understanding of their parent’s hardships regarding migration.⁷
Asian American immigrants endure a myriad of obstacles when attempting to assimilate into the United States and gain societal prestige and acceptance for the benefit of their family.¹ Through five media sources, I will present the thesis that the parenting strategies of immigrant parents, faced with discrimination, tend to focus on occupational prestige and achieving social mobility in a new country. This parenting style causes generational dissonance between immigrants and their children which perpetuates a disagreement in priorities involving career choices and filial obligations. The film highlighted in our group project, The Big Sick, supports this thesis as the protagonist, Kumail Nanjiani, experiences generational dissonance with his parents regarding his professional career due to varied levels of assimilation and priorities regarding American culture.² While his family prioritizes the prestige of being a lawyer, Kumail places more emphasis on his passions and personal interests, such as being a comedian.³
Glossary
The Quest for My Sources
My initial methods in finding media objects consisted of remembering past videos, films, TV shows, and books that had Asian American protagonists. I then combed through sources to find specific occurrences where these entertainers mentioned interactions with their parents. I was able to find five sources that were able to show generational interactions and dissonance in various contexts. With each source, I analyzed the surface-level generational interactions that occurred and then analyzed the meaning behind each interaction. I did so by integrating external literature sources. Through my placement of media sources within my essay, I strive to tell a story explaining the journey of Asian Americans as they migrate to America and how they navigate obstacles regarding assimilation and raising children in a new environment.
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Never Have I Ever
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These scenes are from the show “Never Have I Ever”, written and produced by South Asian Mindy Kaling. The show follows an Indian-American teenage girl, named Devi, and the difficulties she faces in navigating high school with her overbearing immigrant mother and her cousin Kamala.¹³ Devi’s mother places tremendous academic pressure on Devi as she expects her to receive straight A’s and attend a prestigious university, like Princeton, as the image highlights.¹⁴ Additionally, the mother, Nalini, places relationship pressure on Kamala as she is expected to get an arranged marriage to an Indian man.¹⁵ The disconnect present during the show stems from Devi’s mother’s high educational and relationship expectations as Devi and Kamala fail to place the same priority on their future.
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Looking at patterns of Asian-Americans who have immigrated to the United States like Devi’s mom, there are many factors that influence overall parenting strategies and how they deal with assimilation. A challenge for all immigrant parents involves the varying cultural and social norms in a new country.¹⁶ Because Nalini faces alienation and uncomfort as an immigrant, she places high pressure on the next generation such as Devi and Kamala to succeed.
For South Asian families in particular, intergenerational conflict stems from differing societal expectations of daughters and their role in society.¹⁷ South Asian expectations offer women a role in the home with the duty to serve her husband and elders and emphasize the presence of an arranged marriage.¹⁸ However, with the shift to the United States comes a shift toward Western behaviors prioritizing a woman’s right to making her own decisions with less emphasis on serving others.¹⁹ South Asian parents view western ideals as “selfish” and “irreligious” as South Asian societal norms state that women should not decide for themselves (Deepak, A.C., 2005).²⁰ This idea is present in the show as Kamala wishes to date someone non-Indian and not rush into marriage.²¹ However, Nalini views this perspective as selfish just as she views Devi’s lack of emphasis on education as selfish.²²
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The interactions in the show between Nalini and the two members of the younger generation, Devi and Kamala, showcase the early interactions of generational dissonance of immigrants and their children. Comparing this to the core idea, “The Big Sick” showcases differing career expectations between Nanjiani and his parents which most likely stemmed from the high academic pressures Devi experiences. Additionally, Nanjiani’s arranged marriage expectations most likely stemmed from the current experience of Kamala in “Never Have I Ever.”
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Devi’s mother, Nalini, pushes her to pray for high academic success as she believes it is the most important thing.
Nalini becomes angry when hearing of Kamala’s non-Indian boyfriend as Kamala is expected to have an arranged marriage.
Hasan Minhaj: The Homecoming King
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This segment showcases Indian Hasan Minhaj as he showcases his family’s experience with racism following 9/11.²⁴ Minhaj emphasizes the differing reactions between him and his father following racially motivated attacks and threats.²⁵ His father wanted to remain calm in order to appease societal expectations while Minhaj wanted to address their attackers and prove their worth in America.²⁶ Minhaj explains that immigrants often feel they need to pay an “American Dream Tax” where they “endure racism” in order to pay the price of coming to America (Minhaj).²⁷ His parent’s believe they need to earn their worth and prestige in the United States and will not acknowledge racism as this will further alienate them.²⁸
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Studies have shown that Asian American families from widely different backgrounds and countries all experience similar family dissonance.²⁹ A study showcasing Chinese American families shows that this generational dissonance is related to stressors and discrimination faced by the parental generation.³⁰ A large stressor is the perpetual foreign stereotype as Asian Americans have strong feels fo alienation and experiences of racism in the United States.³¹ As the clip from Hasan Minaj showcased, immigrant parents have a distinct view on this discrimination as they feel they should not fight back. They in turn, use this stressor as motivation to succeed in this country in order to prove their worth and sense of belonging. The stressor influences overall “attitudes toward education” and hopes “for their children to excel to achieve social mobility and bring honor to their family” (Benner, A.D., 2009).³²
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As I address the differing priorities of generations when navigating a new country, it is important to showcase the underlying causes of discrimination and senses of non belonging. As shown in the clip of Minhaj, his father placed importance on appeasing societal expectations in order to not further alienate his family.³³ Immigrants parents experience constant discrimination in all aspects of life. Like seen in Nanjiani’s parents in “The Big Sick”, the pressure they place on their children for occupational prestige is a result of this constant goal of social mobility.³⁴
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Hasan Minhaj speaks of differing reactions between him and his immigrant father following racist attacks on his family after 9/11.
Ronnie Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America!
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In his Netflix special, Malaysian comedian and actor Ronnie Chieng acknowledges the stereotype of Asian immigrant parents wanting their children to be doctors.³⁶ Chieng claims that Asian American immigrant parents push their children to be in the medical field regardless of their child’s wishes.³⁷ However, this desire stems from the prestige and wealth associated with the career rather than their child’s opportunity to “help people” (Chieng).³⁸ He claims that first generation immigrant’s gain credibility and status when their children become doctors, which is something they seek in a new country.³⁹
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Building along the lines from the previous media source, occupational excellence and social mobility is a widespread goal for Asian-Americans as it aids in the assimilation process and allows for lesser chances of the perpetual foreigner stereotype.⁴⁰ As research shows, Asian American parents push for high standards of education in order for their children to obtain success, higher incomes, and prestige.⁴¹ Additionally as shown in the segment of Chieng, parents push for occupations such as doctors and lawyers, and most lower-income jobs are looked down upon as they bring no level of prestige.⁴²
Another aspect related to generational interactions is the feelings children experience of filial obligation to their parents to live up to their expectations. This occurs because their parents assimilate at a slower rate than them and experience greater hardships in the United States.⁴³ Because immigration comes with many hardships and disconnect between generations, the presence of filial obligation is inevitable when migration occurs.⁴⁴ Filial obligation provides a great burden on children of immigrants and feeds into generational dissonance as they are constantly pushed to make their parents proud and pursue careers such as being a doctor. The second generation tends to not truly understand the factors and hardships of their family’s migration to the United States which contributes to this disconnect between parents and their children.⁴⁵
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Continuing this conversation of seeking worth and prestige from the previous media source, Chieng’s segment gives insight into the specific reasoning behind expectations of careers in the medical field.⁴⁶ The depiction of Nanjiani’s parents in “The Big Sick” support this reasoning as they constantly push the prestige and wealth associated with becoming a lawyer.⁴⁷ As Nanjiani showcases and Chieng mentions, children are constantly reminded of their parent’s expectations which feeds into their filial obligation as they strive to appease their parents.
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Ronnie Chieng gives context on the stereotype of Asian immigrant parents wanting their children to be doctors.
South Asian Trailblazers: Kal Penn
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In this interview, Indian American Kal Penn acknowledges the lack of acceptance growing up from his community regarding his film school plans.⁵⁰ He recognizes that there is a disconnect between generations regarding possible job opportunities. His parents migrated to India because of a labor shortage and found opportunity through jobs in the engineering and medical fields, so they wanted to pressure or “encourage” their children to pursue similar jobs.⁵¹
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In the podcast, Penn mentions the reality of Asian American parents wanting their children to pursue the same careers they pursued when migrating to America.⁵² The reading “Seasoning Labor” touches on the stereotypes of South Asians in terms of them being the “model minority” and “hardworking” (Verma).⁵³ In general, the article depicts Indian migrants as the ideal labor force.⁵⁴ Penn mentions his parent’s received jobs because of this stereotype as they found opportunity in the engineering and medical fields and expected their children to do the same.⁵⁵ However, these parental expectations cause conflict in the second generation as children are discouraged to pursue any career that deviates from this norm.
Because of this, jobs in the entertainment industry, that Kal Penn was striving for, are stereotypically not accepted by immigrant parents. A study of Asian Americans in the music industry revealed that parental pressure is a large factor involved when children decide to pursue a nontraditional career in music.⁵⁶ “Asian parents play a significant role in the lives of their children when it comes to aspects such as academic achievement, mental health, and career decisions, prioritizing social obligations and interdependence over the individual” (Ung B., 2019).⁵⁷
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The interview with Kal Penn places additional context behind immigrant parental pressures and contributions toward generational dissonance. People such Kal Penn and Kumail Nanjiani faced similar challenges as their parents wanted to push their own experiences onto their children. They both experienced this sense of filial obligation and responsibility as they wanted to make their parents proud.
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Kal Penn speaks about the negative response from the Indian community he received for being a film major.
Kumail Nanjiani: The Big Sick
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In this interview Nanjiani speaks about the movie “The Big Sick” following it’s release.⁵⁹ As the movie is based on a true story, he acknowledges the similarities between his parents on screen versus his actual parents.⁶⁰ Additionally, he reveals that following the release of the movie his parent’s lack of acceptance shifted to a sense of proudness.⁶¹ This involved his parents going to showings of the movie and letting people know their son was the star.⁶² They were filled with pride at the success of their son and made sure to showcase this success to the public.
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As showcased in the film, Nanjiani and his parents never saw eye-to-eye in terms of his career trajectory.⁶³ They pushed the prestigious career of being a lawyer on him as it guaranteed money and success.⁶⁴ This career dissonance dampened Nanjiani’s relationship with his parents for many years. However after the release of his film, Nanjiani reveals the rectified relationship as his parents now take comfort in the fact that he is successful. Many children in the entertainment industry or anything of similar regard feel guilty for their choices as they are “obligated to achieve great success in order to justify the adversity experienced by their parents” (Ung B., 2019).⁶⁵ Now Nanjiani is rid of this guilt as he has proven his success and can appreciate the acceptance from his parents.
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Prior to Nanjiani’s success, there was a large amount of generational dissonance present as his parents labeled the entertainment industry as unimportant.⁶⁶ This theme is present in “The Big Sick” and the media sources of Chieng and Penn. However, once this industry offered the Nanjiani family with status and social mobility as immigrants, their views shifted, and they were able to support Nanjiani’s career. The underlying goals of social mobility, influenced by oppression, were achieved, so Nanjiani’s parents no longer had objections to his career choice.
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Kumail Nanjiani speaks about his parents’ positive reaction to his movie and how they exhibit their pride.
Notes
Xia, Y. R., Do, K. A., & Xie, X. (2013). The adjustment of Asian American families to the U.S. context: The ecology of strengths and stress. Handbook of Marriage and the Family, 705–722. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-3987-5_29
Nanjiani, Kumail. The Big Sick, 2017.
Ibid.
Xia, “The adjustment of Asian American families” (see footnote 1)
Ibid.
Garbin, A. P., & Bates, F. L. (1961). Occupational Prestige: An Empirical Study of Its Correlates. Social Forces, 40(2), 131–136. https://doi.org/10.2307/2574291
Ishii-Kuntz, M. (1997). Intergenerational Relationships among Chinese, Japanese, and Korean Americans. Family Relations, 46(1), 23–32. https://doi.org/10.2307/585603
Biard, G. (2008). Lucy Liu at the Cannes film festival. Wikimedia. photograph. Retrieved from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lucy_Liu_Cannes_2008.jpg.
Merritt, J. (2012). Mindy Kaling. photograph.
Netflix. (2020). Devi and Nalini Vishwakumar. photograph.
Kaling, Mindy. Whole. Never Have I Ever, 2020.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Deepak, A. C. (2005). Parenting and the Process of Migration: Possibilities Within South Asian Families. Child Welfare, 84(5), 585–606. http://www.jstor.org/stable/45398734
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Minhaj, Hasan. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King, 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3RyCtbwBDA.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Benner, A. D., Kim, S. Y., & Murry, V. M. (2009). Intergenerational Experiences of Discrimination in Chinese American Families: Influences of Socialization and Stress. Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(4), 862–877. http://www.jstor.org/stable/27752506
Ibid.
Ibid.
Benner, “Intergenerational Experiences” (see footnote 29)
Minhaj, “Hasan Minhaj” (see footnote 23)
Nanjiani, Kumail. The Big Sick, 2017.
Chieng, Ronny. Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America!, 2019. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGMYP9Lgf94.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Barringer, H. R., Takeuchi, D. T., & Xenos, P. (1990). Education, Occupational Prestige, and Income of Asian Americans. Sociology of Education, 63(1), 27–43. https://doi.org/10.2307/2112895
Ibid.
Chieng, “Ronny Chieng” (see footnote 35)
Ishii-Kuntz, “Intergenerational Relationships” (see footnote 7)
Francisco-Menchavez, Valerie. “A Mother Who Leaves Is a Mother Who Loves: Labor Migration as Part of the Filipina Life Course and Motherhood.” Journal of Asian American Studies 22, no. 1 (2019): 85–102. https://doi.org/10.1353/jaas.2019.0008.
Park, L. S.-H. (2008). Continuing Significance of the Model Minority Myth: The Second Generation. Social Justice, 35(2 (112)), 134–144. http://www.jstor.org/stable/29768492
Chieng, “Ronny Chieng” (see footnote 35)
Nanjiani, Kumail. The Big Sick, 2017.
Boer, M. D. (2021). Kal Penn. https://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/kal-penn-diversity-in-hollywood-ucla-deans-salon. photograph.
Shah, Simi. Kal Penn, Actor, Author, Former White House Staffer. Other. South Asian Trailblazers, 2022.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Verma, SaunJuhi. “Seasoning Labor: Contemporary South Asian Migrations and the Racialization of Immigrant Workers.” Journal of Asian American Studies 22, no. 1 (2019): 31–52. https://doi.org/10.1353/jaas.2019.0004.
Ibid.
Shah “Kal Penn” (see footnote 49)
Ung, B. (2019). The Pursuit of Happiness: Asian Americans in Music (thesis).
Ibid
Ripa, Kelly, and Ryan Seacrest. Kumail Nanjiani Talks About His Parents & Their Reaction To "The Big Sick". Other. LIVE with Kelly and Ryan, 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irvEYpWQ3Zk.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Ibid.
Nanjiani, Kumail. The Big Sick, 2017.
Ibid.
Ung, “The Pursuit of Happiness” (see footnote 56)
Nanjiani, Kumail. The Big Sick, 2017.